Usually 2 A.M. is my bed-time but when I see something called "Megafault" playing on the Syfy channel, well, sleep will have to wait. The following are my observations of hilarious quotes and situations as they happen in this cinematic masterpiece starring Brittany Murphy as the heroine seismologist.
(Brittany puts an aluminum case on the ground) "This is a tri-axial seismometer, it measures changes in the ground". While this is a ridiculous statement, on second thought it's fairly realistic. After being asked a hundred times what I'm doing when performing geophysical surveys I tend to say things like that.
(observing growing fault from helicopter) "The earthquake is still moving!"
(observing growing fault from helicopter) "Look! That's at least a 7.0 on the Richter scale"
Apparently earthquakes make helicopters shake. While they are in the air.
They constantly interchange the terms "fault" and "earthquake".
"The worst is over...for now". Sooo then the worst isn't over?
"It's possible this fault could continue to rupture indefinitely and tear apart the United States!"
"Air traffic control in the midwest has been wiped out"...."that means every airplane in the midwest is now flying BLIND".....(cuts to to military cargo jet, flying through patly cloudy skies) "Indianapolis ATC, we need a visual, we're flying blind!" (jet starts to nose dive, then runs into another plane, I think, apparently lack of ATC causes parts of your plane to explode at random).
"I don't just blow things up" right after he blows up a port-a-john as a distraction so they can steal a helicopter.
(Scene of cargo jet crash) Father and daughter, with only slightly dirty faces, walk away from the burning wreck.
(To military-guy) "What are you going to do, declare war on an earthquake?"
(Military guy explaining a secret satellite) "This tectonic-weapon fires a laser at the earth's surface and re-crystallizes the water table" I can't even remember this whole quote, he said a lot and it was so horrible that I can't even piece it back together.
(After deciding to use the tectonic-weapon) "Sir, after this works you'll need to fly me home"...."M'am, if this doesn't work you won't have a home to fly to"
(Semi-truck driving wildly, dodging nothing, across a dirt road as random explosions occur around it)....Passenger, "We have to stop!"....Driver, "No way, we have an earthquake on our tail!"
Semi-truck passenger crawls across side of truck, while it is moving, with random earthquake-explosions all around, in order to disconnect the trailer, which is loaded with petroleum. They can't stop or the earthquake will catch up with them.
"So, that's the epicenter of the fault?"
"Can the USGS confirm your megafault hypothesis?"
"What we plan to do is trigger a second earthquake to rob energy from the main one"
"After diverting the earthquake, the Grand Canyon will absorb all its power"
(They detect an RV with airborne radar) "What, ground traffic? This airspace is supposed to be clear!"
"P-waves at zero percent!"
"Sir, the tectonic weapon has destabilized the mantle!"...."Mantle? What mantle?"
People randomly start catching on fire around Yellowstone because of the 'destabilized mantle'
"The earthquake is headed towards the Yellowstone Caldera! Do you know what that means??"...."Hey, man, she doesn't care, she just wants to get home to her family"
"Now the earthquake is moving north. It's like lighting a fuse thats big enough to blow up the entire planet"
"We can't move the Grand Canyon"...."Why not?" They then discuss a plan to build a new Grand Canyon with some explosives.
(Brittany nervously eyes a few crates in the back of the Osprey as they fly west) "Are you sure we have enough explosives to build a trench the size of the Grand Canyon?"...."Yes, this should be enough"
"Sir, the quake has entered Vail!" (the earthquake now manifests itself as a snow avalanche even though there are no mountains nearby with much snow. The town is wiped out)
"We've installed an infared sensor on the triggering mechanism." This line is all by itself. It has no context or explanation.
"What's wrong?".....(Brittany, suddenly quiet, senses something) - "The quake is hitting Denver". They are in Wyoming.
"At the end of the day, all you have are two things: your family, and the choices you make."